to feel the written, unwritten, narrated and never told stories equally….
Accepting oneself cannot be bringing the amount of work you put into something down for when you accept yourself, you listen to yourself first before expecting something to be done. You chat with yourself in pursuit to get what it is which is keeping you away in the atmosphere of uneasiness, falling asleep while trying to discipline yourself, feeling tired without consuming caffeine, unwilling to go out for a jog maybe… or something so severe like not know what to draw when presented with a blank page. This thing called worldly expectations is the response to what all we sense in the world… it has to be controlled for the argument that we control our senses with reason to hold some meaning. There is no consciousness, no actual thought until the thought is directed and only facility within human which can direct his thought is the reason which he truly ‘believes’ in.
I neither get it nor deserve to talk about ways to attain it until I do attain it!
Oh, how all these fat loud fucking mouths of drugged, eroded, jaded and left-out misfits have been talking so much about peace and love without getting it!
most used and least understood! I must keep myself from thinking about these and should never look for these ’cause it’d be giving into advertisement and not the truth for truth is what happens.
So, who tells you that you shouldn’t do something simply ’cause it’s insanity? I often want to keep working, reading or simply thinking without having to think ’bout eating or sleeping. And my inside tells me that it’s insane. I learnt all along these years what insane is and what supposedly isn’t.
Question arises–why do I have them inside my head? Why I just cannot keep doing what I want to…? Wouldn’t it lead to satisfaction?
… whom do I ask for permission to look over the hedge just once…? Myself?
I am 23. It’s impossible for me to live without internet. But, lately I am failing to stand all the noise–people who are sad, people who are happy and people who haven’t reached a conclusion yet, their facebook ‘shared’ posts, lyrics in music etc. Basically, I can keep staring at an empty wall for hours…. But, I have to go out and not look disgusted or exhausted. It wouldn’t look so but I am a very welcoming person with ability to let people be, but they have to be genuine. Ads, hoardings and brooding are taking toll on me! Big fucking time! In a metropolis like New Delhi, there is no escape ’cause they’re all practically zombies and only want to sell and buy! In public transportation, it’s just an awful lot of people either trying to display their wellness of living or their smart phones with facebook always logged in and instant sharing of instants, offloading the whole point of living the moment… disowning the life that was in that moment completely as it brought nothing but similar line of thought–it felt memorable? snap it, upload it and try showing how happy you are… as if locked in same loop of series of actions… like you cannot be what you cannot upload. I never have bought a smart phone, I prefer to keep dumb and left behind.
What is causing the most worry is this feeling of being through because it is where I live, this is my generation and I, am afraid to say, have no escape anywhere because an awful lot of people from the last two generations are trying to look younger and are trying to do the same thing as we are–sorta time travel for them! … I am also quite worried that I am failing to bear music with lyrics… it in fact explains all.
Playing Opeth presently and since I immensely love the band, it’s sound… I am being able to stand it.