I Never Put Shades On!


Food Influences

Be cautious of what kind of food you consume ‘cause it’s just not how you’d look—fat or thin—it’s also how you’d smell, think and comprehend things! If you consume extremely low spices green vegetable or basically vegetarian food, your inside will be much more mellow, quiet and controlled—there will be no unnecessary anger or lust or anything out of control. I grew up in a liberal Hindu family. I tried non-veg first when I was 18. I did not hate it. Then I ate is many times after it. But, I still cannot say that I like it; I like simple food like boiled rice and some low spice curry, some green vegetable or maybe cornflakes. Food is the biggest influence from the outside, the most scary invader of my self-control. I am not against trying cuisines though, it is a work of art after all. But, what I realize is that my self-control is very sensitive at the moment—I can sense transformations in my wishes and behaviours.

One thing is quite certain: I do NOT want to belong to this generation of narcissistic, careless youth trying to make themselves seem in such awful pain that just hugging, fondling and making love with a text-book beauty can heal, who have absolutely no control over their thought and would do almost anything to belong to the pool! I find truth and that I be able to see in overwhelming abundance in Mathematics, meditation and exercising.

Hopes and Expectations Objectify People

I have only one expectation from my phone or my chair or my computer, which is why they’re objects and probably I am not afraid to hurt them. My belief that they cannot feel is so so strong. Now imagine I really very very very badly want a cute girl to come and suck my dick… I want this so so badly that I no longer can even see that she’s a human being. Now imagine I tell this to a friend of mine and he feels the same for some other girl. Then one lazy afternoon we watch straight 4 hours of Brazzers and Vivid and Marc Dorcel. … we go home.. in the night, after dinner… around 1 AM, I just play one new movie from or Bang Bros and I jerk a load off… but still I am at unrest. I got school next morning… I see nubile 16 old girls in skirts, belonging to upper middle class families. I am already feeling that I am normal… I am too high on ‘everyone’s feeling this way’! Then the news of a girl from my class having done it exactly like the movies I watched with a guy in some other senior grade. Girls are talking ‘bout it, guys are talking ‘bout it! It is all we have to talk about! This girl who is heard to have done it is suddenly a big-bang of fetishes! She is no longer a human… a specific behaviour is expected out of her. With time, all girls are heard to have done. We’re normal… we’re young… we’re humans… it’s okay to let go… it’s so cool to listen to Selena Gomez or Katy Perry or Snoop Dogg ‘cause all pretty girls and all the guys who get laid often listen to them… I am object to. I know what I do—buy new cell phones, cannot get my hand off internet, want to look cooler every moment, want to be pampered… I want to be everything they all want to be, but before they can be!

… objectification this is.

The Unforgiven III, Metallica #nowplaying