There is a pattern in all of my chapters with people. Often people find me to be a very close friend until something big happens in their lives, until the dynamism of their lives is changed by something like finding love, new job, moving offshore etc. I am a part of their past then… and I exist should they choose to keep close to it…. I always ask people one question before giving them any real valuable hopes of mine: if wind blows and leaves fall, what they would choose to be—the tree, wind or the leaves. I know that I am a tree ‘cause I cannot let go of something which my inside justifies and desires irrespective of how many times I fail and how much[many] I lose. I don’t mind pain—it’s only weakness leaving body, or maybe I am a wreck, a masochist.
But people require to move on to better lives, towards love, family, money and comfort. Whenever I see something big changing in the lives of ones I care about, I tend to cut myself off in a manner that they don’t notice and be able to forget me entirely. I seriously have no idea why I just cannot be the same way! And it hurts a fucking lot too! But somehow my inside tells me that this is the path to be, the truth of it all because I am only going for what I desire, I am being honest and am not cheating, being lenient to myself. I just cannot do whatever my inside finds wrong or else I am weak, afraid of pain which is indelible anyway. … and hence i keep alone, afraid of going close to people because I am unable to move with them.