I am a person who is scared of being slowed down… in a split second, there are actions stuffed in the ‘deed-buffer’! Have a realization? WRITE IT ON WORDPRESS! Frustrated? Switch off cellphone, deactivate facebook, Have coffee, keep awake whole night reading number theory and play Melodic Death Metal!
… but the problem doesn’t end here… ’cause I am afraid of myself, letting myself be. I am, like most 21st century-ed people, world-wide-webbing everything consciously or unconsciously… forgetting that it is something not within me… nor is peace, thence. It’s been more than a month now, and I am still seeing the world fall apart.. at least my world… I require instant hits of visuals of me being on a path of repairing it all.. I mean whatever I consider can piece my world up again.. like that of some drug. I am not allowing myself to sleep over it until I wake up puking, throat hurting.. and even then want to keep myself awake and reading some technology by force! But, since there wasn’t anyone home to cook for me or get me a coffee, I passed out… gave in.
… each day I sleep waiting for a salvation nowhere to be found, I feel like I am distancing myself from at least the vision of it, the glimpse of a realization…. It deeply scares me to forget the truth, indulge in desires and lose the sight of myself in this moment. I am not day-dreaming at all, I am seeing only pathetic self of mine in past and have almost given up on it.. I could claim that I am entirely in present moment and I can also tell you that all those quotes you have read ’bout being in present, all those movies and whiny people couldn’t be more wrong! Past is what you have been… give that up, and see it all in pieces till eternity!
… I am left to creating a past I would see glimpse of satisfaction in.. and hold on to that to keep living….